The last thing I usually think about when I'm sitting in my daily hour of traffic is how I would answer the girl who is being a complete witch to me for absolutely no reason. 

And yet that's exactly what I was doing today after my recent confrontation with a snarling, innocent-looking, know-it-all, out to rid the world of manners and smiles.  There she sat across from me, carefully glaring at my naive smile as I greeted the new faces at an annual gathering she had been to before. 

Ok, so you know everyone and everything, get over it.   What is it about me kindly greeting everyone and asking about their occupation that makes you frown?  Is it in your habit to naturally make those around you feel awkward and uncomfortable. Or are you just trying to break the world record for longest held death-stare? 

Maybe it's just me.  I tend to be overly sensitive and react to people's possibly innocent outward emotions, assuming there is a problem, or that I had just said something entirely inappropriate.  I tend to be a little hard on myself.   But even assuming the worst, why is it so hard to find a soul who only naturally reaches out their hand to grab yours and lead you to your best self?  I can't help the tendency to constantly do this myself to others, which consistently puts me in the unagreeable position of being taken advantage of.   The emotional consequences of too much kindness can be pretty damaging to one's optimisic view of the human race.

But back to the point.  One thing that never ceases to tighten its grip around my heart is the unfeeling desire for another person to call out your lack of knowledge on a particular subject halfway through a flowing conversation.  And I mean dead stop in the middle of a sentence after minutes of me kindly nodding in agreement, to abruptly ask me if I know the specific meaning of whatever subject or word in question.  Way to make a newcomer feel nice and squishy inside.  The day that I learn to do this without so much as a thought of compassion is the day you find me beating up all the homeless for taking up the good seats in a park on a nice day.

                                                             picture courtesy of this site

For as long as I can remember, my Arab and Persian peers have almost gotten physical over the true name of this body of water that is known to the world as the Persian Gulf but to many of the Arab countries as the Arabian Gulf. 

I can see why this subject can be a sensitive one, as evident with the Israel/Palestine and Syria/Lebanon land issues.  But the intensity of debate over this in recent weeks is becoming quite ridiculous in my opinion. 

I'm sure everyone remembers the Arabian Gulf googlebomb from a few years back.  But every so often the media and blogging world decides to pick this issue up again and ruffle some feathers.  The sad thing is, too many (self-inflicted) gaps exist between the Arabs and the Persians for a trivial issue such as this to fade away.  We need to move on to more important issues and concerns of our respective regions and the world.

Who cares what this body of water is called as long as it serves it's purpose anyway.  But since a simple scolding will not appease the opposing factions, maybe a simple renaming will.  I suggest that we just combine the two entities, renaming it the Perarabian Gulf (this is not the same as the alternative names listed in Wikipedia).  With both parties  satisfied, the healing of the wounds inflicted by years of hurled insults and name-calling can finally begin.  

And then we can move on to what really matters; if baklava is Greek, Arab, or Turkish.

The problem with binge drinking in college isn't the fact that it's a forbidden fruit and so teens engage in the behavior out of rebellion.  It's the fact that it has become so part and parcel of youth culture that to refuse it is to in a sense deny your youth.  Resisting the urge to engage in heavy drinking and partying is impossible if we don't change our conception of alcohol.  It is cool to drink, just as it was cool to smoke pre-1970's.  Although both are bad for our health, alcohol seems to fly under our health radar.  We must change as a society the way we view alcohol.  We must change our perception of it as a cool, fun, and attractive substance that is connected to confidence, popularity, and self-esteem.  This is one of the most significant elements of the problem with binge drinking on college campuses.  It is the fundamental definition of what it means to drink that needs to be changed so that teens perception of the substance when entering college will guide them towards logic and moderation, rather than excess and recklessness.  

Sometimes you push something away because you love it too much to keep it close to you.  And as we go through life we think that'd we'd get better at doing this, but it only gets harder, and we become more stubborn and doubtful, making excuses along the way until weve gotten so far that you can't recognize what you started out with.  But then we awake from a numbing slumber to realize that where we are isn't actually where we originally thought we would be.  So we push away the fear, the sadness, and we do what we know is right, what is better for us and what is better for what we push away.  And even though it's a terrible feeling, a feeling so strong that you begin to doubt the decision that you had struggled to make, you push yourself through the melancholy fog and hope to break through to the other side.

Or maybe I made the wrong decision.

Crap.

BEFORE GOOGLE:

 AFTER GOOGLE:

Each day as I sit and work on researching and writing my reports at work, I find myself unpredictably gravatating towards that magical realm we call "The Google".  Space and time ceases to exist in this fantastical world where dreams come true and we all are virtually endowed with a temporary advanced degree.   Many studies have been done as to the effect of this type of superficial learning apparatus.  Does this tool push our society to the brink of epistemical paralysis or is it a natural progression in our intellectual evolution?

Because what is The Google good for anyway? 

How is gum made?   Why do birds sing?  What does E=MC² equal?   No question or request, trite or silly,  complex or intricate, can angry or repel the great Google.    Nothing beyond its grasp and so unforgiving in its scrutiny of us, but so bountiful are its fruits.  For we have become an even greater and more superior being due to the powers it so kindly bestowed upon us.  Those days of yesteryear, where embarassing pauses lingered after a series of trivial facts spewed out of a know-it-all collegue's mouth have now been replaced with instant knowledge of inconsequential details at the tips of our fingertips.  Who needs Harvard when we have now officially become graduates of The School of Google?   Congratulations fellow Googlians.  

Could the city of Paris sue Paris Hilton for sustained damages to it's image?

If you combine the amount of money in the bank accounts of the CEOs of the companies that are in need of a bailout, could they bail themselves out?

Why is Facebook called by that name?  MySpace I get, but a book of face?

I still have absolutely no idea how a single shoe ends up on the median of highway.  It hurts my brain to think about it.

If President Obama is a former professor, does that mean that the current economic crisis is our first test?  We obviously didn't study. 

How many celebrities are in the US?  I have always wondered about the exact number because they keep popping up from every possible angle.  I don't even know how I keep track of the hundreds I already know of.   But I was watching some show on the lifestyles of the disgustingly rich and unnecessarily famous and I got to thinking, what the hell are these people doing while thousands upon thousands are being laid off with absolutely no reassurance so that they are left to burn their houses down to collect on insurance (drove past a fancy, burnt down, cookie cutter house on my way to work today and thought, really? when was the last time a house randomly burnt down in a nice neighborhood? I'm just saying.) 

So instead of the already strained government reaching into their lint-filled pockets, why not get every celebrity to give, let's say, $1 million dollars each (assuming they have atleast 20 mill in their bank accounts) count it as charity, give them a tax break, and then shoot a movie about it.  I'd guess there's atleast 1000 celebrities, so do the math and there's our economic stimulus package right there.  It's redistributing the wealth without the messiness of communism.  Celebrities can keep their lifestyle while also helping to reinstate that of others.  And we can finally and truthfully tell Ann Curry that we used Angelina's money to raise an army for national security [insert additional octuplet jokes here.]

picture courtesy of pastorronmiller.blogspot.com and semi-vegan-in-dystopia.blogspot.com and media.southparkstudios.com

Which is more important? Making the Olympic Team in your sport, winning an Olympic medal, or just finishing the freaking race without a hitch?

It's been months since the Beijing Olympics, which were overshadowed by swimming paraphenalia and pre-pubescent tumblers.  But did anyone ever stop to think about the US Track Team?  What the hurdle happened to them?  Seriously.  I hate to say it, but they dropped out like jacked up flies from a zapper.  Our once strong and proud team seemed to silently disappear behind the eight gold medals of a now quite interesting character (that's for another day).

And maybe I was extra disappointed due to my own unreluctant fling with track.  Hurdles to be exact.   And I'm short, so to see the look in the skeptics' faces as I soared over the men's hurdles was delightful.  Plus, I still have fantasies to make it into the Olympics, even if I passed my prime at the ripe old age of 19.  But I will even if it's in the "jump the hurdles to get to the shoes" event.

So I bring this up because of an article that popped up today in the Times, describing the release of a report by a committee looking to reduce the influence of agents and shoe sponsors.    

Back up just a little.  I know athletes get paid well;  really, really, well.  But sponsors making career decisions for the athletes is just beyond me.  Again, I hate to say this, but go play basketball.  Track and field is a sport that develops out of a passion and a gift.  Not a paycheck and a brand.  Now, I'm sure many professional basketball and football players are in it for the love, but how many can actually resist the lure of big money and major connections? 

I just hope that the suspicious actions highlighted in the report are a recent phenomenon; because if I had been coached the way these athletes seemed to have been, I wouldn't have developed the awe and respect for a sport that I still yearn to go back to one day.  

So maybe these Olympics were a wake-up call on many levels.  Many, many, many levels. 

Oh, how innocent we once were.

I'm not joking around, though sometimes it becomes necessary to make light of such a drawn out situation. 

But with all the sides trying to get their way, and everyone living in a biased, impenetrable bubble, there seems to be only one way to solve this age-old problem.  In the words of the doomed Marie Antoinette, "Let them eat cake!" 

Why you ask? Because, think about the last time you were shoved into a room full of people you despise, usually to celebrate some unnecessary or exaggerated occassion.   And you're all there usally for just one reason: cake (or a buffet or drinks or something.) 

So, we'll stick some Palestinians and Israelis (including all the media and political influencers) in a giant ballroom, office Christmas party style.   Because God knows that those force you into a room full of brown-nosers, lame jokes, and awkward situations.  But at the end of the day, you know you did your part to inch yourself closer to that promotion, smooth it over with a tense co-worker, and prove to your boss that killing it at karaoke is an indicator of your upcoming performance.

Ok, point number two.  Although I totally get the advantage of a two-state solution, I think that it completely misses the point of mutual respect, cooperation, and exceptance.  They need to LIVE together. Work together, pray together, eat together, be together.  They've supposedly been doing it for thousands of years before, and the only thing getting in their way now is politics and fear.  So if somehow we lift that veil of fear and assuage each side's doubts of the other's humanity, innocence, and good intentions, then maybe their lifestyles can truly return to the peaceful coexistence that all of their prophets have preached and lived for.   It's incredibly sad to see three religions with so much in common replace what should be their natural reality with the illusion of hatred and animosity.  The Muslims, Jews, and Christians of the region not only share common ancestry and traditions, but also have the same religious prophets and teachings up to Jesus.  That is pretty significant.   Who said that the way the story unfolded in the past thousand years hasn't been tweeked and refined to reflect their surroundings and political realities so that it seems none of the people have anything in common anymore?  What happens when you stick a yummy slice of chocolate cake in a room  full of siblings?  Has anyone seen four siblings fight over a piece of cake?  And that's why the only requirement necessary at the Holy Land Office Party is plenty of cake, and the rest will work itself out.

Either way, it's nice to see the initatives the Obama team is quickly taking.

Part 2 of the inauguration mayhem I experienced.